Oh alright you may read if you insist
. 
This is odd... You know the feeling if you were to get high.. well am not by the way.. could never do that again. Well I feel as if am. But its probably depression.
Everything is just sinking in.. Dead lines.. Exams.. Watch sisters .. I can't take being responsible anymore, instead of growning up I am getting less mature..
I am rather odd..
I laugh at anything, I try to find something to laugh about everything starts with " do you know what is funny".. I am boring and depressed its like I gave up.. I don't want to give up but depression is addicting like anything else.. I need an intervention even thought it will make me only want to hide. I need to get out in fight but am too afraid. I need someone to be normal but I hate that. I am really bad for myself but carrying to others.
Right now am shaking and cold am scared and parenoid. I am numb in most areas but exagerated in other places. I am not making sence.. Its like I am clicly drunk with out alcohal, if u can get intoxicated from burritos than am guilty. Guilty of eatin wot a crime I will punnish myself with our a trial. I am to prolific. My lips hurt. I want to sleep but fear to. I want to be done but I can never finish. I want but never can. I am nothing but want to make something. I want to be responsible but have no responsibilties. I want to be miserable but I want to be happy.
I AM BLANK.. I am broken.. I can't be fixed I want to be fixed.. I am empty but full I have no direction ....... I have no one to help me. I am alone.
I AM SELFISH..
I hate "I"
I hate my name
I don't like me
I know its wrong "but" can't help it..
oh well
I luv Today(so far)
Oh my goodness, 
I had to delete everything in my journal post becuase it wasn't displaying properly! s So a little ticked about that, but may be it will work this time lol.. PLEASE WORK!
I made this for The Toot Sweet Weekly (a news paper
) that some friends(
and myself 
) are making, I told them I'll help them with the graphics.
If your interested in writing an article (about anything) write to me on "The Toot Sweet Weekly" Forum, don't post your article there though I will give you my email address if you are serious about writing. First dead line Saturday the 17th of April. Please note the article does not have to be long and drawn out it can be short and straight to the point. Columnists are welcome as well (articles with opions from the writers biased).
We would like to welcome you to our mailing list (just started) join here. We will only send out an email through the list and only on Sunday, no spam aloud! You need to join since our paper will be password protected and you will need to know the weekly password(codeword). Other than that its free and for everyone!
am in lala land Luke is flying out here today!
Good Morning!
Update*** I have been in Ny since yesterday but let it for Florida with my friend Katrina. Sorry I haven't seen a gator yet. However, we visited a pet shop and saw all of the FLIPPIN CUTE bunnies 
I just want to take them home by the dozens!
My Birthday (4-4) 
Started off really fattning lol. Woke up to a GIGANTIC
almost like a wedding cake. Luke 
(my friend who I would like to date
but never could..sort of friend lol) he started a food fight. Which was fun except when Nick (a friend who wines a lot) slipped on some and began to CRY. It sounds mean of me to be angry with him crying. May be even sounds sexist. BUt the thing is all he does is CRY. He is the most sensitive person the planet has ever known. When me and Katrina fell asleep on the subway and ended up in Canada when he had to go get us, (cuz we were totally lost) he arrived and started yelling at us "YOUR NOT OUR FATHER... " Katrina
yelled back and then came the tears... REMINDS ME OF BRENDAN FRAZIER IN BEDDAZZLED.. When he turns into a sensitive guy crying at the sunset . He really reminds me of that but, Nick has been like that since he was 7 so I doubt he will change....
Web Forum Update Yay me and Cassidy
finaly got our kicken forum ready and willing to take posts!
I would like to invite everyone to vist our poll to help us deceide which is the better type of music for listening nonstop. So if you had to listen to one kind of music (different songs in that type) but it plays forever and ever with no mute which one would it be click here to take the poll!
Stressed
SOMETHING HAPPEND TO MY JOURNAL ENTRY..
I wrote a very long journal entry and then saved it and viewed it. My post disapeared and I had to change tons of my stuff back to how I had it. Soo odd, liket he server totally forgot it. So I am going to update it visually and will try to post again tommarrow.
Did this happen to anyone else??
Doing well so far "so far" lol
I am going to call the journal "Daria"
Dara,
Long term Goals: Today is only monday, I have started a fast.. so far so good. One problem I have loads of energy and its really late at night. Almost midnight snack time, so I am wearing a rubber band and snapping it every time I think of something sweet.
Goals to get down to 7 stone am at 8 stone right now. ( get down to 98lb, from 112) My highest weight was at 11 stones!
I just recently lost 3 so that is good but right now I feel as if am at a "show down" all I can do is keep it at 112. Oh by the way am 5'8 and 16 years old, almost 17. My birthday is on the Fourth of April.
Today for school: hmmm.. Well If I went I would of known. I felt really cold and I sat down just for a bit and ended up sleeping so hard I was practically numb all over. I am still cold, not shakie anymore am going to have some coffee (hate the taste!). I should do some revision but I get upset every time I even look at something to study. I am very artistic at times and during those times to be involved in anything else is like torture.. Really I'll start blubbering like a baby at my desk just because I opened my maths book... Now with German (which is a course that I like a lot) I don't want to have nothing to do with it. I need a Holiday from my responsibilities.
Anything positive?: Well my website is coming along, and so is Sid's (I am helping her with her graphics). My cousin is going to join me in Switzerland for the summer. I am staying away from all foods . Its a good day despite all the negative lol.
TIP* NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT WRITTEN BY A DOCTOR. IT IS WRITTEN FOR ME, FOR MY OWN USE AND IT IS NOT NECESSARILY HEALTHY, AND MAY NOT BE SAFE.
My type of fast: What I do, For the first two days only drink water and coffee NO FOOD AT ALL. If you have to break from this then eat something healthy like fruit or raw vegetables. I can't allow myself to break the rules even if I eat 1 grape I feel like "Well now u might as well eat everything!" not rational but I feel guilty and who needs that!
Day 3 Now this day yes you can have something but its important to start your day off with exercising at least 45 min then shower drink water then have a fruit drink plus coffee. I prefer 
, it is better for your system. By right now you may be hungry but your stomached is shrinking that is the important part! For lunch I will have a cup of skin milk + another fruit drink (orange juice will do, its even better if you make it your self!). For the rest of the day don't drink anymore coffee, if you feel weak have another apple drink ( not 4 or 5 .. another "1"). (Apple drink can be apple juice or some sort of healthy drink/juice drink) Dinner, don't have dinner its better to skip this meal if you can, right now your in the process of shrinking your stomached. If I have to eat I always make sure to it up.
Day 4 Morning & Lunch same as Day 3, for the rest of the day take time to pamper yourself. Get your hair done, go by new clothing (smaller sizes to get you motivated) have your nails done, Get a good face mask bathe with scented candles bath beads ect.. Read some magazines, listen to your favorite songs make the day be all about you! ( Note for dinner nothing unless you need energy then I would just drink coffee but its a good idea to substitute tea now)
Day 5 Now you should be feeling good about your progress if not THEN start patting your self on your back keep track of yourself. Today you can have a total of 3 fruit drinks +2 tea drinks+3 cups of coffee. Oh and never ever forget water! You should be drinking water almost every hour, if you can. Today you should have a good feel of how your schedule reacts to your fasting, so go ahead and arrange it differently if you need to. DO not let your self break the fast bad idea.
Day 6 A new supplement for fruit drink, I read this long time ago so I forgot who made this diet I just know what to do. Recipe 8oz of water half a 
, sea salt (has to to be SEA SALT) and maple syrup (unsweetened). You take the water+lemon(juice) and 2 TP of sea salt + 1 TP of maple syrup, mix it all up and drink it. This will help clean out your system (may have the runs..sorry 
) but it really helps, make sure your still exercising. You can have as many as you like of these ( I doubt that will be to many since it tastes awful! So by this time if you had to eat you'll never eat if you tell yourself all food tastes like this lol.)
Oh quick thing: lemon=acid good for cleaning, water A MUST!, sea salt= also good for cleaning and maple syrup = has natural sugars to help your brain function correctly. (The way this works is ur suppose to do it for 40 days to detoxify ur system.) So I try to do 40 days (which would be day 47) But I have only gotten to day 30! THIS TIME I'M going to day 40!
Oh after being in a fast for a while don't eat solid foods! That will really hurt you, instead try broth and yogurt,applesauce,soup. NO potatoes,bread starchy foods.. 
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